I'm reading a book suggested by my mentor and friend, Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. This work of fiction is a journal written by a young woman in the 1800's. I came across this portion today and wanted to comment about it. The main character, Katherine, writes:
I wish I loved [God] better. But oh, I am not sure I do love Him! I hate to own it to myself and to write it down here, but I will. I do not love to pray. I am always eager to get it over with and out of the way so as to have leisure to enjoy myself. . .I wish I knew whether anybody exactly as bad as I am ever got to heaven at last? I have read ever so many memoirs, and they were all about people who were too good to live, and so died, or else went on a mission; I am not at all like any of them.
I chuckled at the phrase "people who were too good to live, and so died, or else went on a mission." Yet it really made me think. If I could talk to Katherine (which would be quite a stretch, I'm sure, since she's fictional!) I would open the Bible to Ephesians and read with her,
For it is by grace you are saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no man may boast. (Eph. 2:8-9)
One of the lessons I've learned in the past two years is how much that I thought was dependent on me is really dependent on God. I sometimes wondered if I was really good enough to make it to Heaven. Yes, I knew that Jesus' death on the Cross paid the price for my sins, and I accepted Him and tried to serve Him as best as I could. But then there was that confusing (at least then) passage in Matthew where people did mighty works in His name, yet never knew Him. So I wasn't sure where I really stood with God.
Partially because of the book The Ragamuffin Gospel (I wrote about it here) and also because of God's working in my life, I realize now that my salvation is a free--free!--gift from God which I only have to accept. I do not have to wonder any more if I'm "good enough." Because guess what? I will never be good enough! I'm human, and I fail, and I sin. Even when I don't want to. But God knew all that, and already provided for my salvation about two thousand years before I was born. (He's got all this planned out. He knows what He's doing.)
The part I'm still figuring out is just what role my actions play in all this. My salvation is completely dependent on Jesus, yes; but he still needs to be Lord of my life, in the daily realm of my living, breathing, working, playing. The very next verse in Ephesians reads,
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (vs. 10)
Though our salvation isn't dependent on our actions, our actions will certainly change once God gets ahold of us. Being around Jesus (reading His Word, loving Him, praying, worshipping) will make us more like Him. And we'll love others more, which will make us more loving in our behavior. A love relationship with God can't help but spill out into your actions. Plus, God says that we're created for good works; He requires that we take care of the poor (it's all over the Old and New Testaments); He wants us to be good stewards of the resources with which He's entrusted us. Even though our eternal salvation is not dependent on these things, He still tells us to do them.
That's where I'm at right now in my understanding of grace and our actions/our response. To be honest, I'm still working it out (actually, God's still working it out in me). I just wanted to share it today so that some of you may find the freedom I have--because it's SO freeing knowing you don't have to be continually judging whether or not you "measure up." You don't, and Jesus does, and He paid the price for you. Now go enjoy your relationship with God! He loves you and wants to know You.
One more verse, which comes later in the same chapter of Ephesians:
For through Him we. . .have access in one Spirit to the Father. (vs. 18)
What did Jesus accomplish? Giving us access to the Father. Our sins separated us from Father God, and now they don't have to anymore. And this is what it's all about, what we were created for: to have a real relationship with God. To love Him, and to know His love.
That's what it's all about. So, Katherine in your 1800s journal, don't despair. God doesn't need you to be perfect. He wants you to be His.
John 17:3: And this is eternal life, that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.
photo from stock.xchng, but unable to find the original photo to credit the photographer (Sorry!)
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4 comments:
Oh my, this post was wonderful!! I have wrestled with this very topic. I understand we are saved by grace but I also understand that when we are saved, there should be fruit -- good fruit! Thanks so much for sharing about this and what you are learning! I wish we lived closer -- I'd love to sneak out for a cup of hot chocolate (sorry, I don't like coffee) and a nice chat with you. :)
And thanks for your sweet comment on my blog tonight -- it made my night! You are a wonderful wife and mommy too and your girls are really cute! :)
that is my most favorite book i read it at least once a year if not twice!!!
Hi Heather :-) Great post!! What wonderful things to be pondering. For many years, I felt like I had to live "Holy" by doing this special list of do's and don'ts. Oh, I would have said "thats legalism" if anybody asked me, but in reality, thats what i was doing. I had to get delivered from my own thinking and box i had put God in. I isolated myself from most of the people in the world due to my "Holy living". I think that i've learned moderation is more important than abstaining. Loving and understanding people rather than preaching and inner judging. In the last year, i've found a new freedom that i've never experienced before. I know some people wouldn't approve, but I feel close to God, and have a different perspective than i used to. Anyway, its a good post. May you ever hold on to God and know His presence.
Thank you for this post, I really enjoyed it.
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